I sometimes think that I can fly. Crashing through to the other side. I sometimes reach way up high. Breaking through the barriers of the sky. I have gazed deeply into the eyes of a woman and I have seen the truth that is hidden. I have worked hard in school and have done well for myself. Yet, sometimes I feel as if I have lost. I feel that my life lacks a certain substance... that there is something missing or something hidden from my grasp. That "something" is possibly life, maybe love, or even all of the above.

How can one find what they are "missing"? Maybe that question can best be answered by saying... try everything. If you try everything, maybe you will eventually find what it was that was missing. Then again, maybe not.

There are a couple things that are on my mind right now. One of them is related to women. Why is it that I will find a girl that is good-looking and has most of the qualities that I look for, and that I get along with... and then when things start getting serious, I break away? I always say that I am tired of being alone, that I am looking for a relationship, but when that opportunity presents itself I hide within myself and destroy the relationship prior to letting it unfold. Why is that? Do I just want to have fun and not worry about hurting someone or thinking about how someone else would feel if I did this or that. Or... is it just the fact that I don't really know what I want from life and I am too picky about what I "want" in a woman? Do I worry about something better coming along and missing out because I am in a relationship, committed to someone that I think is inferior to someone else? I am not sure and I think that the same thing could be said about every other guy. I am not alone.

The second thing on my mind has to do with human perception. Where is this change coming from? Well, I recently learned a few things about myself and about my approach to life. I think the most important thing I was taught was that despite all my criticisms and ramblings about people, I was no different than they were. I kind of held myself up on a higher step than "they" were because I was willing to try to change things and because I actually saw that something was wrong. What I didn't realize is that I actually participated in actions, be them the same or different than the ones I was criticising, that were just as bad as the ones that I was discussing.

Wait... am I saying that I am no better than you? Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. I never really thought that I was "better" than someone else... but as human nature allows, I sometimes acted like it. I am not alone there either. Every single person that has ever criticized some action has either done, or thought about that action at some point in their life. According to many philosophies, thinking about doing something is just as bad as doing it. I have been somewhat self-centered and that was my true downfall. I thought that my beliefs and opinions made me someone special. The truth of the matter is that those opinions didn't make me special, but me stating them makes me different. A lot of people share my same opinions, or ones that are close to them, but they do not voice themselves. I have received many letters from people that said, "it's about time someone said that" and "I couldn't agree with you more... keep writing, we all need it." Little things like that made me realize that I was truly... "not alone". What those people didn't realize though, is that the underlying nature of the writer that they were offering their praise, is no better than the ones that he was criticizing. For that matter, neither are the readers. Despite that, things change. From the self-centered and self-concerned me... I transform.

Now, you are wondering what I am changing to? Well, I am changing for the better... changing to a more enlightened version of myself. A version that lives to be true to itself... a version that matches the truth inside with the appearance on the outside. No longer a product of other peoples likes, desires, wants and tastes. I am me, like it or leave it. My focus now transforms to a blur. This is me, raw and uncut. My soul now roams free. You are no longer in the clear... blurred and distorted, this is my view.