okay, now talk about a lapse in time. i have been very bad about doing anything with my page, and to those of you out there that have been coming back week after week... hoping for something new, i am sorry that i disappointed you. there has been a lot that has happened in my life and there is a lot that is still happening. it is hard for me to even ponder where to start, but i guess i will just talk about bits and pieces... hoping that i will really get somewhere in the conversation.

i spent some time redoing my site today... changed the structure a little, renamed some files... and added this. i may add some more poems a little later today, but i haven't decided which ones i want to put up yet. i guess all of that is fairly trivial, but i just wanted you to know that i will be adding some more content soon. i have also been getting a lot of feedback recently, and i would like to offer a thanks to all of those people. if i didn't get back to you, please don't be offended... i am a very busy person at this point in time, and i have been getting a lot of email. nevertheless, it is still read and taken into consideration.

one thing that has stood out in some of the criticisms is that a few people are telling me that i am "obscure" and that i say a lot, but there is a feeling of emptiness that is left from my reading... like i don't include the reader in my thoughts... that i share the experience but don't offer it for them to keep. this is partially true from my perspective, but it is also partially done on purpose. this site is for me to share what i feel and how my life is... it is a place for my thoughts to be dumped... a place for my heart to open up. yes, i am sharing my life, but it is part of me and that is where it has to stay. you are all welcome to read how my life is and if it relates to your life, then that is great. i hope that it helps you in some way, but i am far from being a psychologist and i have no right to give you advice or help you with your problems. if you do, however, want to talk... i am always willing to talk, just as long as you remember... that what i say and write is based on my experiences and not much more.

i have met some very interesting people recently, and have also spent a lot of time with some great friends. i have been exploring the whole dating scene... just enjoying life as much as i can, but trying to still keep things in focus. i have met some very nice girls, but it always seems like things don't work out. everything goes perfect and then i end up getting a "talk". it always seems to go along the lines of "you are a great guy and so sweet... but it is not the right time for me to get involved in a relationship". their reasons all differ... everything from leaving soon (graduation) to being hurt before to "not wanting to lose our friendship". maybe it is some type of sign... i'm not sure, i do know that i wish that damn sign would turn around though. i am growing very tired of the disappointments that i am continually faced with. it is making the whole pursuit of happiness so tiring and discouraging that i want to give up.

i always have friends to fall back on... but i want more than that. i want someone that is going to be there... someone that is going to be close to me. someone that will hold me and spend time with me. someone that will love me. you know, the same things everyone else wants... right? it seems as though i can't find those things though. maybe i am supposed to be alone, or maybe i am too picky. i don't think either of those are the case, so i trudge on.. still continuing in the journey that may never end.

for some reason i just thought of something that is pretty much entirely off topic, but anyway... it's an idea. here is something that i would like to run by all of you. have you ever had something that you wanted to say? something that you wanted to tell someone, but could never get the courage up to tell them? well, i was thinking about making that possible for you... using my site as a medium for that. i'm not sure if anyone has done this before... but i am sure there is some site out there that is doing exactly that. regardless though, it is an offer i will extend to you, the readers. if there is something that you would like to get off your chest, something that you want to tell... something that you want to share... send it to me, and i will post it here for you. i'll make an extra section called user submissions... and your letter will be there.

oh, and as promised... a little insight, or at least advise. don't judge people based on what you have experienced before, not all people are the same. give everyone their own unique chance. if you have been hurt before, don't curl up in a ball and shun everyone away, get to know the person a little better, and then take the risk in letting them get to know you. don't just push them away, that is how you stay hurt. anyway, i'm off for now, i'll try to update this more frequently. enjoy your weekend...