have you ever met someone that you just knew that you had to talk to? someone that you met and started to walk away from after a brief exchange, then something inside you said: "i need to talk to this person." it is a weird feeling and one that you may not even realize you experienced. for some reason or another though, it has happened to me a few times.

i often wonder what causes certain feelings versus others. why when i meet one person i might think that they are interesting but when i meet another i come away with a feeling that i do not like. what allows me to come up with such a quickly determined impression of someone? there are many answers for that, but basically it is just a "gut feeling."

this "gut feeling" is often explored and seems to be fairly accurate most of the time. knowing that, it seems smart to follow that previous feeling, and talk to the person that i was about to walk away from. why am i talking about this though?

the first time that i experienced this, i talked to the person. due to finals and then the summer... we lost touch. maybe in the future we will have more opportunities to get to know each other, but that is in the future and it doesn't make sense to sit around and wait for something to happen that may never happen. in the future, we will see.

however, a few days ago, i again met someone that made me feel that i shouldn't walk away... that they were a person that i should talk to. i did exactly that, and do not regret a single moment of it. i spent a good portion of time talking to this person and when that time was over, i left with a good feeling. a feeling that what i did was right.

that person in a sense, swept me off my feet. she is attractive, sweet, has a good sense of humor and a beautiful smile. she also has eyes that i could feel myself getting lost in each time i looked her way. i was, i am, interested in getting to know her better. later i would find out, that regretfully so, she is already taken but that doesn't stop a friendship. i can only find myself thinking... "what a lucky guy he is."

yesterday, i spent the day talking to this person and some of her friends. hanging out with them and having a great time doing so. then later that night, i went to see a movie with them, knotting hill. i am not sure if it was the fact that this was a good movie, or the subject matter that it covered, or maybe just the thoughts that i have had running through my head for the past couple weeks. whatever it was, i left the theater with even more on my mind and somewhat in a daze.

for those of you that don't know, knotting hill is a movie about a guy that is just going on with his life when he meets someone that captivates him, and then ends up hurting him. he then goes on to find something to replace that loss, someone that makes him feel whole. in the end, he realizes that there is no replacement and he ends up being with the girl that captivated him so easily before. i also think that there was a more obscured message in the movie, but one that makes itself pretty evident. that message is that true love isn't something that comes easily, that it isn't something that just happens and that is the end of the struggle. it is a battle to understand the understand the other person and to deal with the issues that are in each of your lives. to share each other and then live, grow, and adapt together. it somewhat reminds me of the saying: "the best things are the hardest to obtain."

the thing about this movie that struck me the most is that i can somewhat relate to the situations and thoughts that were going through his head. i have shared the feeling of awe, the feeling of pain, and that deep burning feel of absence when that person is no longer there. i have met girls that have made me smile, that have made me happy... and then i find out that they are already in a relationship. this makes my "oh so happy" life shatter like the dream that it was. when i saw this happen in the movie, it only made me think more about my life. situations like that only reinforce the feeling that i may never find that special person that makes me truly happy and that is made truly happy by me. it also makes me wonder if i will make a mistake, and not realize how great things are or could be with that person if i only gave them a chance. the thought that i may pass up that special person because i was too contained in my world, or occupied with other things to realize that they were standing there right in front of me. the feelings that my timing is always off, that my "walking to the beat of a different drummer" is only causing me more problems. i know that this isn't true, but that doesn't help me to dismiss those thoughts. it doesn't help the feeling of sadness when i find out that the "special person" that i just met is already taken.

a little injection of what hides in my mind is all that i can share. there are some things that are meant to stay private, and a few things that just can't be put into words. however, i can share the fact that my heart is just like yours, it yearns to be complete, to find that happiness that we all long for.

my mind still wanders in thought... and i can only hope that in the end, things will work out. i dream and wait for that day... hopefully i will know when it is there.