over the past couple days... i have been talking to my friends a lot. talking to them about my thoughts... my happiness... and in general, my life. i guess i have been thinking a little too much. i am not sure how to stop though. i guess my mind doesn't want to rest until my heart gets its chance at being happy. atleast, that is my hypothesis at the moment.

i noticed a couple things that kept coming up in my conversations with my friends. one of the most comforting things that showed itself is the fact that i have great friends. they have been soo supportive and reassuring. they have also continued to emphasize the same thing over and over... that i have nothing to worry about. what i mean by that is this, i have been worrying that i might not be good enough or that i might not have the characteristics that she will like. this thought has been addressed by every one of my friends in one way or another. some of them have said things along the lines of "how could she not want to be with you?" others have said things along the line of "of everyone i know, you are the person that has the least to worry about." i am not sure how accurate my friends statements are but they did make me realize one thing... that i don't need to worry. i am very interested in getting to know her better and persuing a relationship with her. i know that every time i look at her picture, everytime i hear her voice, everytime i lay in my bed thinking about what it felt like to have my arm around her... to be close to her, i smile.

outside of my friends, i have been recieving a lot of compliments as well. people have been reading my pages and as of yet, no one has given me negative feedback. i have recieved emails from people saying how much they enjoy reading my poetry and my journals. one person in particular said that she and her friends have continued to visit my page for a long time, hoping that i would add something new... give them something more to read. she also had various other comments in her email... but that is the one that really stuck in my mind. she found my page one day... and has continued to visit it over and over, waiting for me to add something new. it truly made me realize that there are people out there that really associate with what i write. people out there that were touched by my writing. messages like that make me want to write more and more... to continue to share it.

i once made a statement that i would always provide some type of insight abut me... and indirectly about men in general. i have continued to do that, although not as explicitly as i had done before. instead of directly stating some "concept" that men adhere to.. i have just decided to explain my thoughts... and my actions. i plan for this to not only happen in my writings, but also in my everyday life. one thing that i have learned over the years, both through relationships of my own and through watching others and listening to others, is that communication is the key. to reach the level of communication that allows you to feel absolutely comfortable telling that person every single detail about yourself... being 100% open and honest with them, is a point that is reached very rarely. it is also a level that can only be reached if both parties work at it. that one thing though, can make a relationship 10 times stronger.

i have had relationships in the past that didn't work out for one reason or another. sometimes the lack of communication was a main factor. other times it was something else that caused the problems. i have spent a lot of time analyzing the problems that i have had personally and the faults that i have seen show themselves in myself when placed in different situations. i hope that i have spent enough time fixing my problems and faults to be ready to handle those situations better the next time i get into them. i think i have done that and that i have the confidence in myself that is needed to deal with any problems that could present themselves. i hope that i never have to face problems like that, but i know that if i do, i can deal with them and together.. work through them.

i think i have found the person that makes me happy, that makes me feel good. now, it is just a matter of time to find out how much validity there is to that. that time will be used to get to know that person better... to form the bonds that will hold together. to spend time together, getting to know each other and seeing where things go from there. i just hope that i get that chance...