i don't really have much to say tonight. everything is pretty much in the same state that it was in before. i have called her a few times in the past week... but i haven't had the opportunity to talk to her much because of either her not being there, or in the middle of running out the door. it's all good though. i know that she is really busy so i am not worried about it. it was good to just hear her voice, even if it was for only a few minutes.

hmm... anyway, i was thinking today about my actions throughout my life. i realized that i didn't always do what i should have done, what i knew to do. there were times that i listened to my heart. there were other times that i listened to someone else's opinion. regardless though, i do not regret any choices that i have made in the past. i have learned from them.. and even if i got nothing at all from them, they are what make up who i am. i can never deny that, nor would i ever want to.

something else that i realized today... i miss her. yeah yeah... i know, stop it... but i can't help it. i pulled out the picture of her, from the night that i met her, and put it back up on my wall. before i moved out of the dorms, i had it on my board... from the day i got it, until the day that i moved out. when i got to my apartment, i didn't put up any pictures of anyone. i am not exactly sure what my reasoning was, but i know part of it was that anything that happened in the future with her or with anyone else... i wanted to be genuine and thought through. another smaller reason was that i didn't want to seem obsessed or something... because i am not obsessed. she is a great woman, someone i would like to spend time getting to know... but if that doesn't happen i am not going to beat myself up over it. life will occur as it was meant to happen. if her and i are meant to be, then it will happen... and we will get together. i find myself hoping that someday that will happen...

when she was here that weekend, she asked me where my picture was of her. in the meantime... on my wall, right next to the "finals suck... flowers don't" poster... is her picture. the least that it can do, is give me something that i can look at and smile. deep down though... i know it is more than that.