wow. it has been a while. let's see. where to begin? another relationship that didn't work out can be written in the books. you have to love it when women use you and abuse what you willingly provide. *sigh*, 'tis life though. let's see... after i broke up with the girl that i was dating (oh, i never told you guys that i started a relationship with her)... i moved on and started dating some other girls. the numbers piled up and then they went down.. then back up... and then i kinda just stopped seeing all of them except one. which is kinda odd to me, because i don't think that i want a relationship... and technically i don't have one right now.. but basically i do.

school has been, well... how can it be said... hard? but it hasn't really been hard either... it has just been a lot of work and a lot of time. i guess it can be said that way. hmm... yeah, that works. my classes are probably going to kill me, but my grades are fine so far... but in the end we shall see if i endure the wrath.

i have been doing a lot of reading about subjects that interest me but that i never quite had the time to explore. it has been enlightening, to say at least something about it. religion seems to be a common topic, part of that occurred tonight actually... after watching stigmata that is. hmm... the things that one could ponder. ahh.

so what is it that makes me think these days? i'm not sure. did i mention that i am a hard person to please? hmm.. so shoot me. *smile*. anyway, i was talking to a friend of mine on the phone today.. and it made me realize how much i enjoy talking to people... how much i like hearing a caring voice. wishes and dreams... obtainability though... is the reality.

have you ever thought about the world that we live in? the politics, the semantics... the stuff we call our society, our reality. it is somewhat interesting when you sit back and think about it. take me for instance. i talk to a lot of girls... flirt a lot... joke around a lot... and in the end... what do i get out of it? no, i am not talking about sex... i am talking about the fact that i get reassurance. that is it. why is it that i look for that though? hmm... well, our society deems that we should feel confident if we want to succeed. so, i work on that. silly me. society plays a role in my life. oops.

hmm, what else is there that i have had in my mind? there is soo much that i don't know where to start. i have been talking to a lot of girls, but that isn't really that new. i really enjoy meeting people... engaging in conversations... it is nice to just see a different point of view or take a glimpse at someone else's life. its fun... a nice refresh.

oh, i recently had questions about whether or not i should make some of this stuff public. it turns out that the girl that i am "dating" right now... reads my webpage at least somewhat frequently. so she is reading all of this, i imagine. that kind of puts me at a disadvantage in a way. i asked her a question a week or so ago, "if i asked you to, would you not read my webpage?" her response, "maybe." now, that is pretty discouraging. to know that what i tell others about my thoughts, could in essence be used against me. that is, to say the least, not a very welcoming thought. oh well though. i have said on many occassions that i value honesty... and well, this is pretty raw, so therefore quite honest... and i have to deal with those repercussions i guess.

a quick gripe before i go, for the ladies... if you talk to some guy and give him your number... at least have the decency to return his phone calls.

take care...